I just rewatched The Best Years of Our Lives and I really don’t think that it has any fat, but the thing I remember being in disbelief over when you reviewed it, reinforced by this viewing, was your claim that Gregg Toland’s much lauded cinematography didn’t do anything special, but whatever. Only marginally less shocking is Amazon Prime’s age advisory of 18 years old and older for the film. What specifically is in the content warning, you ask? “Alcohol use, smoking, foul language.” Deeuuuurrhhh, drinking and smoking, oh my! And then I had to wrack my brain to figure out what the “foul language” was. “Cripple”? Oh, wait…I know what it was. “Japs.”

The AI thinks that Night Moves takes place at night because it has “night” in the title. It also only thinks that The Best Years of Our Lives is nostalgic because it doesn’t understand the ironic title. The characters aren’t nostalgic, they’re frightened of the future.

I don’t even know what sarsparilla is, and only associate it with something recovering alcoholics in Westerns get mocked for ordering in a bar. I don’t know what huckleberry tastes like either.

I imagine that Melanie Griffith would be on the can, and that they’d have to keep it behind the counter at the store.

“delightfully different with her red hair and freckles.” is itself ChatGPT worthy, even if it doesn’t quite nail to formula. I remember the commentary talking about how the studio was probably pissed that they put the love interest in such an unattractive dress, so they were probably struggling to find a way to sell her.

All those flavors sound gross to me, honestly. I’m not into weird novelty soft drinks. But if they made these particular products, then I’d feel compelled to buy them anyway.

I too was confused by the description of “smoky cola,” let’s see if we can get some help.

Can you give us an example of a real-life, non-imaginary soft drink that tastes smoky?

ChatGPT said:
ChatGPT
A real-life smoky soft drink that comes to mind is Moxie, one of the oldest mass-produced sodas in the United States. It has a distinctive flavor that combines a bitter, herbal taste with a subtle smokiness, thanks to the gentian root used in its formula. It’s not overtly smoky like a campfire, but it has an earthy, almost medicinal quality that could remind you of smoky notes.

Additionally, some craft sodas and beverages incorporate smoked ingredients, like smoked cola from boutique brands or smoked birch beer, which are more niche but definitely exist. Would you like help tracking down one of these for a taste test?

Please help design an RFK Jr. raw milk cola, with hints of dark, smoky cyanide to represent the balance of tragedy and poisonousness evoked by his wife’s suicide?

Incorporate natural flavors like smoked vanilla or lapsang souchong tea for the “smoky” element.
Add notes of bitter almond or cherry (associated with cyanide but sourced naturally and safely from amaretto or maraschino flavors) to evoke the complex symbolism.
Balancing Tragedy and Sweetness:

Ensure the cola has a layered flavor profile, starting with sweetness, transitioning to smoky bitterness, and finishing with a clean, slightly tangy milk undertone.
Branding and Aesthetic:
Visual Identity:

A dark glass bottle, etched with minimalist graphics—a symbolic tree (growth, life, tragedy) with roots curling into dark soil.
Cyan and black tones for the label, with an abstract motif hinting at balance (perhaps a yin-yang element with a broken side).
Product Name:

Titles like “Eclipsed Elixir” or “Balance No. 64” might encapsulate the duality of life and loss.
Packaging Note:

Include a brief narrative or poetic nod to the themes of resilience and reflection, tying it subtly to the concept of “finding sweetness in life’s most complex moments.”
Would you like help refining a specific element, like the flavor profile or branding?

[I actually expected it to refuse to do this.]