what are some good max roach examples? I’ve heard his drumming before but dont know his style off the top of my head. Some drummers are just that good tho. Helps to not play the backbeat, or at least largely avoid it.

Don’t even think of dating right now. Put in the work on yourself.

I know what youre saying here, but i’ve been putting in the work on myself for years. I’m doing far better than I was when I had my mental health crisis back around 2016-2018 i was literally unable to function back then. its taken me years to deal with that. I’ve achieved a lot of the goals I’ve set for myself since then in terms of having healthier habits and and living independently. When I was younger the idea of getting close to another person was terrifying, and I ran from the handful of instances where things came close to that but I havent felt that way in a very long time. these days It’s not even like I’m getting rejected or anything, at least I might feel like I was getting somewhere in that case I just don’t even meet people to get rejected by in the first place. Am I supposed to wait until i’m 50 until I’m allowed to have a single romantic experience in my life? It just gets pathetic after a certain point.

I’m currently working in the kitchen a restaurant/craft brewery and tbf it’s a pretty good enviroment in terms of having a good team of people to work with. It’s one of the least toxic workplaces I’ve been in, everyone is nice and supportive and I’m well liked there. but there’s no advancement, I’m not going to make any more money there than I have been since I started 2 years ago. I’m not going to be promoted cus there are no positions to move up to, and frankly I have little interest in cooking food, half the time I just do the dishes. I get free meals there which is nice for saving money but it’s unhealthy stuff to eat every day which I don’t like, if I didnt work there I’d be content with ham sandwiches every day. Its 100% evening and weekend shifts, so I have only 2 free evenings a week at best, one of which I usually use to visit my parents or the one friend I have who lives near me. makes it very hard to have any social activity outside of work (I can request days off but usually that means losing a day of work that week and also I need to plan anything weeks in advance so cant do anything on the spur of the moment). also makes it really hard to have time to work on music or any projects which are what I’m most passionate about since I need to sleep in after a late night and then by the time I get up and my day is going theres only like 3 hours before my shift starts and sometimes I spend that time doing stuff like writing this post instead of practicing guitar lol. I’m also one of the oldest people there and am starting to really feel that when compared to the energy that my younger co-workers bring.

By far the biggest thing I’m missing is social activity. I used to have regular social events with my music since I was in bands that would meet up on a weekly basis to practice and we’d often average at least one gig a month to work towards. even back when I was in a really bad place mentally playing shows would be one of the most fulfilling things I could do. And one of the best oppertunities to meet people and make new friends and connections. But the pandemic broke up the last band I had and even though I do still make music on my own and it’s one of the things in my life I derive the most personal satisfaction from it’s much harder to have the drive and motivation for it without having a group working together to support one another.

I’ve tried a DMT vape pen a couple times but didnt get very far with it. Got a bit of a swirly vortex effect going on but it wasnt anything to write home about. Wasn’t much stronger than maybe 1 gram of mushrooms. I’d like to try it again and actually get a proper experience and I probably will eventually but it’s really expensive and I can’t really justify that cost right now. ecstasy does seem to have a lot of value when done right, but I’m suspicious of the purity of it around here. Ive heard many stories of it being cut with fent or meth, so I’ve avoided it.
Frustratingly weed is by far the thing I’ve tried that I got the most powerful thereputic effects from, put me a major state of self-relection and let me reach emotional catharsis when I’d otherwise be bottled up, but its also extremely easy to just smoke all the time every day.
Getting outside and going on long walks is also a good way to get some of this tbf but I currently live in the worst part of town and I either have to walk like 45 minutes uphill through the city or drive half an hour to get to a decent outdoors area. (I do make an effort to go on a long hike once a week or so which I always look forward to, but even then that takes up my entire day)

I’ve never really seen what the point of getting a diagnosis of whatever mental health thing would be. Having some label to slap on myself would do what exactly? I don’t really see the benefit. Besides, I relate to aspects of various different things, but none so severely that I’d say I qualify as being entirely autistic or ocd or whatever else. I have aspects of those things, and am obviously not nerotypical. but I feel more like I’m a patchwork of parts of various conditions rather than fully any specific one. I know I feel much more fulfilled and motivated when I’m less isolated and able to have regular social experience with friends and family ect. simply having more of that in my life would be do me more good than any SSRI would or whatever. And if I could rearrange my life to have more of that then I think I’d be doing much better. getting a day job would be one step in that direction I think, but that’s so far been elusive. I did recently revise my resume though so it is a goal I have this year.